Movember's Over: Gentlemen, Start Your Razors

LINCOLN SQUARE — Nothing against November, but a whole lot of dudes with scruffy facial hair on their upper lip are glad the month's come to an end.

"It's gone as soon as it's Dec. 1," Cleetus Friedman, chef at Fountainhead, said as he fingered the trucker-style mustache he's nicknamed "Abraham."

Friedman is one of the thousands of men across Chicago who took part in the annual Movember ritual — growing a 'stache to raise awareness of men's health issues — and while he's 100 percent behind the cause conceptually, in practice it was more challenging than he would have thought.

"It's gross when you blow your nose. You eat ... and stuff gets caught," he said. "I don't want to be that guy."

Because he's been shaving his head and face daily for years, Friedman was caught off guard when his mustache grew in gray.

"I don't have hair, so I don't know what's going on," he said.

A number of his kitchen staffers also joined in the challenge, with mixed results.

"Some of these guys can grow a beard overnight, but a lot of us are having trouble," Friedman said.

Hair grows, on average, a half-inch a month. According to Esquire's guide to the best mustaches ever, it can take up to five months to grow the sort of substantial 'stache sported by television's manly-man Ron Swanson.

For guys starting their 'staches from scratch Nov. 1, "by the time it gets to be anything, Movember is over," according to Aaron Williams, owner/operator of Lincoln Square Barber Shop, 2415 W. Lawrence Ave.

"If it grows in thick, that's OK," he said, but a lot of guys' efforts "look more like rat whiskers."

Count Brian Fulton, pastor of Lincoln Square's Missio Dei congregation, among the follically blessed, which posed its own problems.

"It was going ferociously porcupine," he said of his "Ned Flanders"-style mustache. "I have to use mustache wax to keep it down."

Creepy or Cool?

Participating in his second Movember, Fulton, who normally sports a full beard, admitted, "You're very self-conscious the first couple of days," with just a 'stache.

"It's centered on your face, so it's the first thing people focus on," said Williams, theorizing as to why, as common and trendy as beards have become in recent years, the mustache as standalone facial hair has lagged far behind in popularity.

"The only people I know who really rock a mustache are hipsters. Other than that, if you're under the age of 40, I don't see it very much ... unless you live in Bucktown," he said. "I don't know ... a mustache is hard."

Once a year, Williams shaves his beard and leaves just his 'stache and "every year it doesn't look good," he said, to the point he's never actually left the house sporting the mustache.

"It's certainly less common," agreed Anthony Qaiyum, owner of Merz Apothecary, which sponsored a Movember celebrity challenge that included Friedman. "A lot of guys have never grown just a mustache. It's a little scary. You don't know what it's going to look like."

And then there's the matter of the mustache's image problem.

Chicago's Men of Movember

Type "Why are mustaches ..." into Google and the search engine will automatically fill in "... considered creepy."

It wasn't always so. In medieval times, the 'stache was so common, armor was adjusted to accommodate flowing facial hair. In the Victorian era, mustaches had proliferated to the point that special spoons and cups were invented to spare men the precise sorts of mishaps with coffee and soup experienced by Friedman and countless others.

Fast-forward to recent decades, where the 'stache has yet to recover from the damage done by dictators (see: Hitler, Stalin), porn star Ron Jeremy, and the general tackiness of the entire 1970s. What was once a symbol of elegance and sophistication — think Clark Gable — became seedy and unsavory.

Not even a dreamboat like Tom Selleck, in all his "Magnum P.I."-era glory, could single-handedly rehabilitate the mustache's reputation despite the undeniable magnificence of his classic chevron.

Fulton, a preacher for crying out loud, said he received his share of side-eyes from moms as he picked up his young daughter from elementary school.

More Than Just a Mustache

The question, "What happened to the mustache?" is what sparked the Movember movement back in 2003, as a couple of Australian mates, Travis Garone and Luke Slattery, contemplated the disappearance of the 'stache.

Thirty guys participated in Garone and Slattery's initial challenge to bring back the mustache, which they decided to link to men's health — specifically prostate cancer and depression — having been inspired by October's breast cancer fundraisers.

Ultimately that's the aspect of the Movember mission that Friedman, Fulton, Qaiyum at Merz and others embraced.

"Everyone talks about breast cancer ... it's not the same for men," said Qaiyum.

"We're in the natural health business. This is something that's close to our heart," he said. "Being proactive — that's our take on everything."

Fulton said he took part in Movember both to promote healthier lifestyle choices and to honor his dad, who passed away in 2013 at the age of 61.

"This is related to my dad for sure," said Fulton. "He didn't take care of himself at all. He ate red meat and smoked."

Raised in Alabama, Fulton said he grew up eating steak and potatoes three times a week.

"It's hard in the South," he said. "Finding veggies and something that's not fried is like finding a needle in a haystack."

Friedman's father died at age 51 when the chef, now 44, was just 21.

"I feel like guys do ignore their health until someone close to them gets screwed," he said. "I pay attention."

The restaurant business doesn't make that easy though, he acknowledged.

"We work 16 hours a day, seven days a week. When do we have time to go to the doctor?" he said. "I wanted to see my doctor three months ago."

If growing a mustache for 30 days gets guys to schedule a potentially life-saving prostate exam, Friedman said a patch of semi-uncomfortable, semi-unattractive facial hair is worth the sacrifice.

"No, you don't want a guy sticking his hand up [there], but at the end of the day it's all good," he said.

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