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Wacky Yelp Reviews Lovingly Tear Apart Chicago Neighborhoods

By Kelly Bauer | August 24, 2016 6:38am
 Yelp reviews.
Yelp reviews.
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DNAinfo/Linze Rice, Paul Biasco and Flickr/Thomas Hawk

CHICAGO — When it comes to Chicago's neighborhoods, Yelp reviewers get right to the point.

Wait — Yelp reviews?

Yep: Apparently Yelpers aren't just doling out stars and reviews to restaurants and businesses. They've been reviewing the city's neighborhoods, and they're brutally honest.

Kelly Bauer shares her favorites from Chicago neighborhood Yelp reviews.

The reviewers have covered Roscoe Village's deadly strollers (and cougars — the big cat kind), your likelihood of being on an episode of "COPS" if you're in Uptown and how perfect Logan Square is for brunches.

We couldn't find reviews for South Side and West Side neighborhoods, but we found gold in these reviews:

Edgewater

The magic word for Edgewater is "diverse." It's used a dozen times on just the first page of Yelp reviews for the North Side neighborhood.

Most of the reviewers seem to be happy about the diversity: "If you like living in a diverse (economically, culturally, ageist and vertically) and I mean truly diverse neighborhood, this may be the place for you!" wrote Danielle C.

"... It is very diverse, which is why I love it!" wrote Tiffany O.

Of course, the one thing that's missing? Boring white people, according to Rose J.'s review:

Gold Coast

The Gold Coast is great, reviewers said — if you have money.

It's an "upscale and classy area," wrote Dominic B., and others noted the neighborhood has lots of shopping and (pricey) real estate.

Of course, that's not the only thing the Gold Coast's got going for itself: "One of my Yelp friends told me Gold Coast is known as 'Viagra Triangle' to some people (lol)," Dominic B. wrote. "It only took me a few minutes to understand why. I would spoil it but I'll let you figure it out."

Christy A. dreams of a day when she can burn money in the neighborhood:

Logan Square

Living in Logan Square is all about being "chill," according to Yelp's reviewers. They repeatedly compared the neighborhood to Wicker Park, noting that Logan was more mellow — while still having great food and places to have fun.

"It is not quite the hustle and bustle that Wicker Park brings but it also not as quiet as some other neighborhoods further north on the Blue Line," wrote Rawlins R. "I feel like Logan Square is more for the people who are young and hip but aren't into drinking so much and partying all night. Though Logan Square has its fair share of bars and night spots, I get the impression that people in Logan Square go to nice brunches and meet their friends for a chill evening in the park."

Love Logan but not into "nice brunches"? Reviewer Brian B. has some advice for how to hang:

The Loop

The Loop is like "Disney for adults," one reviewer wrote, adding that it's the perfect place for "a vacation in Chicago."

When it comes to The Loop, that seems to be the prevailing thought: It's for vacations and visits, but not so much for everyday life.

"When it comes to thinking I enjoy thinking outside the loop," wrote Daniel S. "When it comes to Chicago adventures I enjoy being in the Loop."

Here's how Bilal S. put it:

Roscoe Village

There's only one Yelp review for Roscoe Village that doesn't mention kids or strollers. P seem to be afraid of them.

"RV. Recreational vehicle. Strollers the size of recreational vehicles," wrote John H. "It's only a matter of time before double-wides come equipped with Gatling guns, this being such a rough neighborhood and all."

Patrick D. warns: "If you can get over the strollers everywhere or don't get hit by one, this area isn't bad at all."

Linda P.'s take:

Uptown

The people of Uptown love their neighborhood — crime or not.

Thomas G. said the neighborhood has "potential" but needs more police. Another reviewer, Colleen C., wrote that she saw a man singing outside after going grocery shopping in the neighborhood.

"Well, sure it registered at first as strangely poetic, but he was also managing to urinate intermittently as he swung back and forth, aiming his whiz at passing trees ...," Colleen C. wrote. "Despite fearing being the next 'tree' on his little escapade, I nodded politely, making eye contact."

Those kinds of, er, eccentricities might be why some people enjoy the area, as Mike P. wrote:

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