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Will Hell Freeze Over Before Cubs Win It All? Mayor of Hell, Mich., Says No

By Justin Breen | October 12, 2015 5:39am
 Hell, Michigan is a real place, led by its
Hell, Michigan is a real place, led by its "mayor" John Colone.
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Facebook/John Colone

CHICAGO — Hell probably won't freeze over if the Cubs win the World Series this year.

At least that's the case with Hell, Mich., an actual town of a few hundred between Ann Arbor and Lansing.

"Hell doesn't usually freeze or get snow until Nov. 15, when the deer-hunting season begins," said John Colone, who owns a few stores in the town and describes himself as "mayor," though there is no official mayor of Hell. The latest this year's World Series could go is early November.

Colone said he thinks the Cubs will win the World Series this season, which would be their first title since 1908 — or 67 years after Hell was officially named Hell on Oct. 13, 1841.

Justin Breen explains how Hell, Mich., got its name:

The town was founded by George Reeves in 1838. He owned a bar in the town, and when his customers' wives were asked where their husbands had been, they said "well, he's gone to hell." When state officials asked Reeves what he wanted the town to be officially called a few years later, he said "Hell."

Of the Cubs, who are tied at one game apiece against arch rival St. Louis in their best-of-five National League Division Series, Colone said: "Our prediction here in Hell, though, I believe they will go all the way. They went through years of not doing too much of anything. We just feel strong, and the spirits here tell us the Cubs are going to go all the way."

Colone said Cubs fans come to Hell all the time. But most of the sports supporters are backers of the Detroit Lions and Detroit Tigers. Hell has shirts that "honor" the teams with messages: "I've been through Hell, I'm a Tigers fan" and "I've been to Hell, I'm a Lions fan."

Colone, whose actual cellphone number ends in 666, said Hell also has a fictitious university dubbed Damn U that offers degrees in "stupidity" and "car trashing." He said there have been 51 real marriages at its chapel, which "guarantees every marriage."

"If the first one doesn't work, the next one is free," said Colone, who proudly noted the town's mail receives a postmark reading "Have a Hell of a good day."

As for the Cubs, if they don't prevail this year, Hell might have something else in store for them.

"I hope that they win," Colone said. "If they don't, we'll probably put a brick up in Hell's Walk of Shame, where you can permanently put someone in Hell."

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