NORTH CENTER — Suzanne Somers is known for many things. Poetry isn't one of them.
But that didn't stop the "Three's Company" star and Thighmaster devotee from penning a book of verse.
"Touch Me: The Poems of Suzanne Somers" will be among the samplings of horrendous "literature" read aloud during the Chicago Writers Conference Bad Poetry Night, 6:30 - 8:30 p.m. Tuesday at Mrs. Murphy & Sons Irish Bistro, 3905 N. Lincoln Ave.
Billed as "an evening of uniquely putrid poetry," the event raises scholarship funds for writing and literacy tutors, who, one imagines, are specifically employed to discourage precisely the sort of thing found in Somers' "Organic Girl":
Organic girl dropped by last night
For nothing in particular
Except to tell me again how beautiful and serene she feels
On uncooked vegetables and wheat germ fortified by bean sprouts
Mixed with yeast and egg whites on really big days
She not only meditates regularly, but looks at me like I should
And lectures me about meat and ice cream
And other aggressive foods I shouldn’t eat.
Tickets, available for purchase online, are $50 and include one drink, appetizers and all the bad poetry you can stomach.
Guest readers include WBEZ's Monica Eng, The Dissolve's and A.V. Club's Tasha Robinson, New Yorker cartoonist and "Captain Dad" author Pat Byrnes, and James Kennedy, founder of the 90-Second Newberry Festival.
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