LAKEVIEW — No electricity. No stores. No gas. No water.
It's the parameters of a zombie apocalypse, and Nick Conrad wants to help you survive it.
Conrad, who also runs a sustainability company called The Green Suite, teaches basics like how to make a stove with soda cans and how to make weapons out of household items — you know, in case other people try to steal your stuff.
Guns are not advised since noise would attract more zombies — "stealth is key," Conrad said — but baseball bats, wood panels or lamp posts can all be modified with nails and screws to add strength and sharp edges, Conrad said.
"There is going to be panic on the street," Conrad said. "There are going to be people who are trying to take care of themselves, and instead of preparing on their own, they're going to take what you have.
"You're going to have to be able to defend yourself."
The 90-minute class is all about prep: Keep a "zombie box" with nonperishable foods, for example, and know how to move large groups of people around without cars, gas or working highways.
Of course, don't freak out like the school girl who needed Conrad to calm her down after one presentation. The class will discuss what would actually happen in a zombie apocalypse, but he doesn't actually believe zombies are real.
"It could be an earthquake, tornado, flood," he said. "If there wasn't any food, any water, it'd be really scary. I sleep easier at night knowing I have some preparation."
(And for the record, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has said it knows of no such "virus or condition that would reanimate the dead (or one that would present zombie-like symptoms)," but advises skills acquired in preparation for the zombie apocalypse can come in handy during a natural disaster or terrorist attack.)