By Shayna Jacobs
DNAinfo Reporter/Producer
MANHATTAN SUPREME COURT — In a rambling 26-page "suicide note" left by Gigi Jordan before her son's tragic murder at the Peninsula Hotel, the disturbed mother explained why she forced an overdose on her helpless child and intended to kill herself.
"I hear about parents with children like mine ... who jump off bridges with their adult children rather than face the prospect of leaving them alone in the world," she wrote in an e-mail.
The letter exposes the paranoia and dark fantasies that apparently led Jordan, 49, to murder her non-verbal, developmentally challenged child.
"I think it's incomprehensible for someone to understand how I could do this and say I love my child," she said.
In the e-mail, made public by the court this afternoon, Jordan claims that her two ex-husbands sexually assaulted Jude Michael Mirra, 8, and that her severely autistic son informed her of the abuses through an essay called "The Listening Boy."
She believed her ex-husband would have her killed and used her son "in the sex trade" for the rest of his life.
"My life can only get harder if I'm dead and my son falls prey to these people again," she wrote. "I believe they used him for child pornography as well but I can't prove it."
There was no immediate evidence that the boy had suffered from abuse at the hands of either his adoptive father, wealthy pharmaceutical executive Ray Mirra, or his biological dad, Emil Tzekov, who Jordan later married.
But Jordan claimed in the note that Ray Mirra hired people to spy on her and Jude in New York to ensure she would not expose him as a child abuser.
"I think the child pornography aspect of this whole horrific situation is impossible to prove," she added.
She thought the hired informants, a nurse and her husband, were also sent there to kill Jordan and her son.
"He wasn't hired to kill Emil, he was hired to kill us," she wrote about the couple.
"I was going to different hotels to call lawyers because I believed my room was bugged.”
Jordan's lawyer Gerald Shargel argued Friday that she should be released from jail so she can receive "intensive psychiatric care."
He submitted the note at the end of the arguments when pressured by the judge and prosecutor to reveal more about Jordan's mental state.
"There is absolutely no information about her currently, medical or psychiatric," said Assistant District Attorney Kerry O'Connell, who believes the wealthy accused murderer is a flight risk and should remain in jail.
There is also a lack of evidence showing Jordan went through with the suicide attempt in the first place, the prosecutor said.
As O'Connell spoke at the bail hearing, Jordan's mother, Kim, sat in the gallery muttering objections.
"Lie," whispered Jude's grandmother, who was weeping at times.
A decision will be made as early as March 19 whether Jordan will stay in jail for what may be years if she continues to challenge the murder charges.
