President Donald Trump may be determined to "Make America Great Again," but organizers of an annual "race" that parodies the Iditarod just want to "Make American Fun Again."
The Idiotarod NYC, now in its 13th year, showcases not dogs pulling sleds across the Alaskan tundra, but costumed men and women pushing elaborately decorated shopping carts through the streets of New York City.
This Saturday, teams of five or more members will brave the cold to compete in an unauthorized contest that demands creativity, showmanship, inanity and a willingness to bribe the event's two judges.
”It’s just ridiculous fun, and it's a celebration of absurd creativity," said Sherry Smith, a spokeswoman for Idiot Labs, the group that runs the kitschy event inspired by a similar bacchanal in San Francisco. "It’s a bright spot to look forward to after the holiday and before spring, when all of our hearts are frozen in ice ... And I think this year in particular, people really need to have just silly fun for a day, because things have been really serious.”
While Smith declined to share the top secret launch location of this year's race, claiming ignorance, she did disclose answers to our other vital questions.
Here's what we learned:
► Contrary to what you might expect, law enforcement hasn't cracked down on the Idiotarod since its second year, Smith told us.
“The first two years, there was a lot of mess-making," said Smith, who has been involved in the race's management all but four years. "It caused problems with the authorities."
What kind of mess?
In the case of one team dressed as bakers, it was flour everywhere. Smith said she understood why neighbors and police officers would object to that kind of disorder.
"That makes you hate it," she said, citing another annual display of frivolity in New York to explain her reasoning. "If you think about Santacon, it’s not the fact that there are a bunch of Santas — it’s that there are a bunch of drunk Santas that are making a mess and noise."
Idiotarod plots its route along less congested streets and, Smith said, "We try to be a very well-behaved group of idiots."
"The hurling of food objects or other materials is strictly prohibited and will result in expulsion from the race," the event's Facebook page reads.
► Some participants come by their carts in legal ways.
New York state law says it's illegal to remove a shopping cart from the premises or parking lot of a retail establishment and alter or deface it without the owner's consent. Fines for a single violation can amount to as much as $100.
Asked if most Idiotarod carts were stolen, Smith told us, "They're not necessarily illegally obtained.
Once you’re looking, you’ll see free-range carts on the street all the time.”
But one team of teenagers did successfully ask a grocery store manager for permission to borrow a cart for the race, she said.
► Organizers are hoping that at least 20 teams will compete this year.
Aspiring racers were expected to submit their participant request forms by Thursday at midnight. This year's qualification questionnaire poses such questions as, "What is the total number of Celine Dion albums owned by your team?", "What is the weight of your cart in Websters?" (we think that's Webster's Dictionaries) and "If a = Nickleback, b=Blink 182 and c= Coolio, what is 2a*b - 4c?"
Each team requires a name, a captain, a cart, and at least five members. Teams have an average of six to 10 members, and their ranks tend to swell over consecutive years, Smith said: "The more times you do it the more you have an entourage and production, and we are all about production and showmanship.”
It's custom for teams to decorate their carts according to a unique theme.
► Winning this race has nothing to do with speed — it's all about enthusiasm, creativity, and...bribery.
The Idiotarod has no prescribed route; competitors choose their own between "checkpoints" where they're submitted to various tests and trials administered by monitors wearing lab coats.
"My checkpoint tends to really go with the laboratory testing theme, so in the past we’ve done pricking fingers and taking blood sample, we’ve done things like tongue [depressors]," Smith said. Last year, Smith's team measured contestants' body parts — "in a G-rated way," she added — to see if they were proportionate according to certain ideal measurements.
Teams that complete checkpoint tasks with good humor advance to the next stop and eventually the finish line.
While most ethical contest frown on bribes, the Idiotarod encourages competitors to ply checkpoint monitors and judges with those of the adult-beverage variety. One year, a team dressed up as a chess set even handed out compact boxes containing travel sets of the board game.
► Idiotarod judges award all kinds of prizes — not just "Best in Show" or "Best Bribery."
For Smith, standout teams from past years, the kinds meriting a "Best in Show" accolade, include "Team Danger Zone," manned by military pilots from the 1986 film "Top Gun," "Remus vs. Romulus," guarded by two battalions of Roman guards, and "Thomas the Train Wreck," pushed along by a crew of fallen storybook characters.
But judges have also created new categories for carts that defies classification, like "Pee Wee's Playcart."
Today's #Idiotarodnyc honors goes to PEE WEE's Playcart (2010). Race is Saturday - let's #makeamericafunagain! https://t.co/i21NcG7um7 pic.twitter.com/KvoinwNUWx
— Idiotarod NYC (@IdiotarodNYC) January 24, 2017
A tribute to the children's TV show "Pee-wee's Playhouse," the Playcart earned an award for the nostalgia it inspired.
► Organizers destroy carts at the event's after-party as if they were cars in a demolition derby.
Idiotarod coordinators decided they would destroy all evidence of their merrymaking after the inaugural race, when carts were abandoned in a park and the city's Department of Sanitation called to complain, Smith said.
In 2013, organizers used a "cart-a-pult" to fling the carts against a wall, collecting the scrap metal for donation, Smith said.
In 2015, they crushed the carts with forklifts.
Here's where you can track all the idiots on Saturday.
