A fake city notice pokes fun at one of New Yorkers’ biggest pet peeves: the tourists and newcomers that hog sidewalks, walk too slowly and stop suddenly in the middle of a busy walkway to gawk, mouths agape, at the Big Apple’s “Very Tall Buildings.”
The official-sounding, satirical letter posted by EV Grieve — which was written by the fictional Department of Pedestrian Etiquette and posted on East Seventh Street — lets “New Residents and Visitors” know they will have to attend “a mandatory training session for navigating the sidewalks and streets of the greater metropolitan area” and receive a special “NYC DPE Pedestrian Permit" starting next spring.
After that, tourists must be on their best behavior — each “violation” carries at least a $100 fine and there’s a “3 Strikes You’re OUT” policy that kicks offenders out of the city and bans their reentry for at least five years.
Here are few ways to get kicked out of the city, according to the letter:
► "Blocking the sidewalk or any public area in a large group or just standing like an idiot in the middle of pedestrian traffic. Also referred to as 'Clumping.'"
► "Walking too slowly with more than one person spread across the sidewalk."
► "Weaving from side to side oblivious to busy New Yorkers trying to get the hell around you."
► "Walking with your face in a map or mobile device."
You can read the whole notice over at EV Grieve, which first posted an image of the flier.