New York makes it easy to find things you don't need — artisanal ice, kale ice cream and unreliable romantic partners being just a few of the least necessary yet common items the city offers its denizens on the daily.
On the other hand, the city can make it hard to find the things you actually do need, such as decent housing. Many of us tend to set the bar for what constitutes "decent" housing low. Like, really low.
Case in point? How flat-out weird people can be when advertising a room on Craigslist.
All listings featured below are live on Craigslist. They highlight the fact that fulfilling a basic need like housing can come at a high emotional price:
► Craigslist poster seeks "live-in wifey" who doesn't "like to scream all day"
The Craigslist user begins by imploring users not to flag his ad, since "a lot of women out there are actually looking for this type of mutual arrangement."
The local resident goes on to list the traits he seeks in his live-in, non rent-paying girlfriend, which include: sanity, stability, no long-term medical conditions, and being "decent looking."
Because this is a totally normal arrangement, the lister concludes by saying that he is not looking for a sex slave, even though he "[gets] a lot of requests for that."
► Casual nudist offers living room to male roomie, promises it's "not like that"
$200 per week will give you access to the living room of a downtown Brooklyn apartment, and a male roommate who "[tends] to be in the natural state," which means that "male roommates would probably be ideal."
The laid-back birthday suit fan also writes that, phew!, you shouldn't worry about any unwanted sexual weirdness, promising, it's "not like that."
► Tenant seeks male roomie who's totally cool with showering out in the open
$1,250 a month will buy you some prime real estate near NYU, but it comes at a cost. The advertiser notes that the "shower is located in kitchen" and is "NOT PRIVATE."
► Tech household writes roommate want ad in the most tech way possible
In the real-life version of HBO's "Silicon Valley," tenants of an "immersive tech entrepreneur community" (called an apartment by some) state that they are looking for a "candidate" (roommate) who hopes to "bond with lots of new and high-quality people in tech" (gets along well with others).
They are quick to add that this apartment — which they call a "startup accelerator" — is not just a place to live, but "a community, a network, a movement, and it makes us all exponentially better."
► Midtown resident offers couch to all-hours maid
Rent in one Midtown abode is free so long as the tenant can commit to "deep [cleaning] the apartment very frequently and [doing] laundry," one Craigslist user writes.
At the end of hours of unpaid labor, the lucky resident — whom the advertiser thinks could easily be a freelance writer — can bask in deep cleaning fumes as he or she dozes on the living room couch, which the lister claims is otherwise worth $700 every month. No word if the couch needs cleaning, too.
► Greenpoint vegan offers room in apartment with rats, says they don't "run around"
If you prefer animals to people, an $867/month room in Greenpoint might be your spot: two roommates — along with their two pet rats and rabbit — are seeking a roommate who is "chill" but "OK" with noisy Saturday nights.
Then again, since the rabbit wanders around the living room when the owner is home, you have to be a vegan to live there, and again, there are rats, maybe not.
