UPPER WEST SIDE — After years spent living among the city’s lowly walking inhabitants, New York comedian Mark Malkoff decided to spend a day in the seat of the Big Apple’s most pampered residents: its babies.
"Babies — they have it easy. New Yorkers, we're always walking around everywhere, but they're always being carried around in their baby bjorns like it's their personal Towncar," Malkoff said.
Malkoff, a former staffer for The Colbert Report, has envied the little ones for years, especially the lucky cherubs who do not need to walk around, but instead are carried everywhere like old world princes and princesses.
To experience such luxury, Malkoff — who is 5-foot-7-inches tall and weighs 130 pounds— recruited funnyman Grizz Chapman to carry him around the Upper West Side for a day. The 7-foot-tall Chapman is best known for his role as one of Tracy Morgan’s accomplices on the recently concluded NBC sitcom 30 Rock.
"Grizz Chapman is a great man for doing this; he has a great sense of humor. I hope he didn't hurt himself doing this," Malkoff said.
As Chapman toted Malkoff around the city, the pair endured the difficulties of riding the subway, an interruption from Malkoff’s wife and the stares of passersby.
"Parents were kind of fantasizing, like, 'I wish I could get carried around like that. Instead of always carrying around my baby,'" Malkoff said.
Malkoff added that the best parts of being carried around were seeing the awed looks of children, getting an elevated view of the city and finally being taller than his wife.
"Who's going to turn down being carried around?" he said.
Check out Malkoff's hard-hitting, undercover look into the lives of New York City's babies in the video above.