Here are the Most Nauseating Brooklyn-Branded Products on Etsy

Just slap a "Brooklyn" on it.

You can buy your loved ones all kinds of handmade gifts branded as straight outta Brooklyn this holiday season, a survey of Etsy shops reveals.

The borough's worldwide reputation as the home of all things hip and hipster makes "Brooklyn" a brand ripe for monetizing. The fierce pride that Brooklynites take in locally made "artisanal" goods doesn't hurt either.

And Etsy shop owners, who typically sell handmade or vintage items and supplies, are seizing the opportunity by its handmade pom-pom balls.

We've rounded up their most "Brooklyn" wares, at predictably preposterous prices.

You can help keep Brooklyn "affordable" by buying this T-shirt..... for $30.

The shirt belongs to a series "themed for [the] Gentrification of Brooklyn" and "represent[ing] a call to action," according to its Etsy page.

With any other screen print, we're betting it would cost $20 less. Oh, the irony!

Buy the married couples in your life a Brooklyn-shaped cutting board.

Why should a company that manufactures personalized cutting boards and sells them on Etsy call itself "AHeirloom"? To cunningly prey on our nostalgia, of course.

Beware the "Brooklyn" pillow racket.

You could pay $97 for a pillow "made from 100 percent post consumer recycled water bottles." Or you could not.

Who says your "Brooklyn" gift has to be from Brooklyn?

Etsy/BKGBats

You can order a baseball bat emblazoned with the borough's name from Latvia.

Or a flask adorned with an image of the iconic Brooklyn bridge from Los Angeles.

Go ahead and feel good about "shopping local."

Etsy/Swagstr

For parents who want to raise their kids right:

What's $27 when you can start brainwashing your child from toddlerhood with a $27 T-shirt? (And make J.F.K. roll in his grave?)

Put an old-timey mustache on anything to make it Brooklyn-branded.

Your baby boy can't grow any facial hair yet, but that doesn't mean he can't fit in. One day he's wearing a onesie with a mustache on it. The next he's buying beard oil.

We recommend the below for the wall of his nursery (that is, if you can even afford one in Brooklyn):

Really anything that has a mustache on it passes as being 'Brooklyn.'

Etsy/AbcityVisuals

You can keep Brooklyn perilously close to your heart.

Etsy/BrooklynCharm

Because nothing captures Brooklyn's edginess better than a dull razor blade.

And for the pièce de résistance...

Etsy/sevenbc

Buy this $1,475 wooden BMT train station sign, the "perfect Christmas gift for your favorite Brooklynite." Never forget: Brooklyn love transcends money.

Park Slope, Windsor Terrace & Gowanus

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