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The Onion

Recent Headlines

Story of Uptown Street Violence at Center of New Film

The movie is about "the sadness that comes with numbing yourself to street violence," filmmaker says.

The Onion Posts Craigslist Ad In Hopes Of Dipping In Neighbor's Pool

That pool does look nice.

The Second City Teams Up With The Onion for Writing Classes

The first class offered sold out in 30 minutes, but more classes are being added.

Top Stories

Downtown Twins Born At Roosevelt Red Line Station Have Names, Are Doing Well

And, no, they're not called Roosevelt and State.

Humboldt Park Humboldt Park's Puerto Rican Evacuee Welcome Center Opens Today

For most of November, it'll be open two days a week, between 10 a.m.-4 p.m. Mondays and Tuesdays.

Roseland Police Hiring Process Discriminates Against Blacks, Latinos: Ald. Beale

Data shows that while more blacks and Latinos applied to the CPD, most new officers are white.

Wicker Park Trek Bike Shop Coming To Milwaukee Avenue's 'Hipster Highway,' Bid Shows

The nation's largest bike maker is soliciting bids for a retail build-out at 1647 N. Milwaukee Ave.

Downtown Ald. Willie Cochran Collapses During City Council Hearing

Cochran was given CPR by 40th Ward Ald. Patrick O'Connor, taken to Northwestern hospital.

Chinatown Pistol Whipping of Sisters In Chinatown Part Of Larger Crime Spree: Police

The violent robbery could be connected to four other robberies in the area, police said.

The Loop 39 Phones A Day Are Stolen On Average In Chicago

We looked at the data behind thousands of cellphones reported stolen in Chicago since January 2016.

Dunning Drunken-Driving Victim Hopes Cop Charged With DUI Gets Probation: Court

Erin Mowry, 42, could be convicted of aggravated DUI for the July 2015 crash.

West Pullman Man Shoots Himself In Penis During West Pullman Robbery, Prosecutors Say

Terrion Pouncy, 19, was still hospitalized Thursday following surgery.

Logan Square Landlord M. Fishman's Move To Evict Logan Square Tenants Sparks Protest

The eviction notices "caught many families unprepared," activists said.

Noble Square Million Dollar Town Houses On Wicker, Noble Square Border Launch Pre-Sales

"The reception has been outstanding. We've had lots of interest and excitement," the listing agent said.

O'Hare Traveling For Thanksgiving? Midway, O'Hare Among Most Delayed Busy Airports

About 20 percent of O'Hare and Midway flights for Thanksgiving get delayed, according to a new report.