CITY HALL — This year, as every year, city officials have been both naughty and nice. But that only means there are twice as many gifts to choose from when one goes shopping for local politicians. Let's start with the Naughty List and work our way back up, shall we?
FOR THE VENTRA LOVERS
Chicago Transit Authority President Forrest Claypool and Cubic Transportation Systems Vice President Richard Wunderle have both insisted they're going to make Ventra work. But in the meantime you might want to give these bad boys a demotion. Put them to work on the line with the CTA Track Worker's Costume, complete with hard hat, available through the CTA's website. $36
FOR THE BIRDS
Ald. James Cappleman (46th) has complained about people who persist in feeding pigeons so much that "there was eight feet of pigeon" poop in the Aragon Ballroom sign. He could try the Wind Action Owl Decoy, which features a rotating head to scare birds away, sold by the United Kingdom's Pigeon Stop. $27
FOR THE 'HOG WITH THE BIG NUTS'
Cook County Commissioner William Beavers, who once described himself as "the hog with the big nuts," heads to federal prison for six months starting next week. His crime? Not reporting hundreds of thousands of dollars as income that he siphoned from his campaign funds for personal use — in part to cover massive casino gambling losses — which he then failed to pay taxes on. The deluxe version of TurboTax software is now available for 2013. $29.99
FOR THE DANCING MAYOR
Although Mayor Rahm Emanuel was a dance major at Sarah Lawrence College, it seems from his tie-stroking grind to Robin Thicke's "Blurred Lines" at Taste of Chicago this summer that he could use a refresher course. So send him to Hubbard Street Dance Chicago for a hip-hop session at the Lou Conte Dance Studio at 1147 W. Jackson Blvd. $15 per class, packages also available
FOR THE OUSTED COOK COUNTY BOARD PRESIDENT
Todd Stroger lost his post as County Board President in 2010 after pushing through a penny-on-the-dollar sales-tax hike, which was repealed after he left office. He recently announced he might run again for the board. Get him a Digital Coin Counting Bank from Sharper Image to remind him how much money he saved since the tax was lifted — and to make sure he remembers not to propose jacking the sales tax again.
FOR STORING 'DANGEROUS' LEGISLATION
Ald. Michelle Harris (8th) has already proved she can compete with retired Ald. Richard Mell (33rd) when it comes to bottling up what the administration considers dangerous legislation. But to help her out, give her a selection of Hazmat boxes from the suburban Cary Co. that she can use to store the ordinances and resolutions away to make sure nobody touches them. Prices vary
FOR THE UNCERTAIN PROGRESSIVE
Ald. Ameya Pawar (47th) was a charter member of the Progressive Reform Caucus, until he wasn't. Pawar no longer appears on a list of members on PRC press releases. But let him pretend he still belongs with a "Proud Member of the Progressive Resistance" button from the folks at Occupy Chicago and Irregular Times. $3.95 and up
