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Boys Club Teaches Teens They Don't Need to Be Tough to Be 'Real Men'

By Lisha Arino | January 14, 2015 8:40am
 About 11 teenagers gathered for the Real Men program at the Boys Club of New York, located at East 10th Street and Avenue A, on Jan. 13, 2015.
Real Men Program at the Boys Club of New York
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EAST VILLAGE — A program at the Boys Club of New York aims to show its teenage members that there’s more than one way to be a man.

Real Men, a weekly program held at the club’s East 10th Street location — as well as its clubhouses in East Harlem and Flushing — uses facilitated discussions to show teenagers that there are different ways to be masculine.

“We can’t keep a boy from feeling like a certain kind of man,” whether it's an athlete, a tough guy or another identity, said Taryn Campbell, the club’s curriculum manager.

“What we can do is engage him in a conversation about how he came to hold those values and what other values might be available to them.”

The conversations challenge stereotypical masculine values, which emphasize toughness and stoicism.

The program, which began last year, uses text messages created by Youth Communication to generate discussions about topics relevant to teens' lives like sexting, drug use and relationships, according to staff. Members of the Boys Club aged 13 to 20 are invited to join.

The texts, which are read out loud in each meeting, consist of true stories written by people their own age who live in similar situations, Campbell said.

The boys share their thoughts on the readings, but staffers also encourage participants to look at the story from the perspective of different characters and to consider the consequences of their actions.

“A stereotype is that guys just keep everything bottled in, they don’t say nothing. These guys [the teens] just let it loose, let it out, whatever they’ve got on their mind,” said David Lucas, a teen director at the East Village clubhouse who helps run the Real Men program.

Jason Rosario, a program coordinator who leads the program’s activities, said participants usually don’t need much encouragement to participate.

“I don’t have to say much,” Rosario said. “Last [meeting] we did something on sexting and I read one or two questions and they took it from there.”

At a recent meeting, the teens took over a discussion about gun violence. With little prompting from Rosario, they debated the merits of using  a gun for protection, discussed the consequences of being caught with an illegal firearm and shared their experiences of getting into fights.

After the session, some participants, including 15-year-old Tyson, said the program helps them to make responsible decisions yet doesn't rely on lectures.

“It doesn’t tell you exactly, ‘Don’t do this,’” he said. “But it gives you different scenarios where you can understand and process what to do or what not to do.”