“Way, hey, tow 'em away. The Lincoln Park Pirates are we. From Wilmette to Gary, there’s none that’s so hairy. And we always collect our fee. Way, hey, tow 'em away. We plunder the streets of your town. Be it Edsel or Chevy, there’s no car too heavy. And no one can make us shut us down.” — “Lincoln Park Pirates” by Steve Goodman.
CHICAGO — If you’re a ticked-off alderman or just a North Sider victimized by the towing company known in infamy as “Lincoln Park Pirates” thanks to the late, great folk singer Steve Goodman … have I got a treat for you.
The little-known stage play, “The Night We Bombed Lincoln Towing,” penned by former Chicagoan Steven Young, himself a victim of towing by the so-called “pirates,” is slated for a springtime opening at Clockwise Theater in Waukegan.
These days, the Lincoln Towing “pirates” — who Goodman in 1972 predicted no one could shut down — have the attention of a couple of ward bosses calling for City Council hearings to face “decades of allegations” against them.
And thousands of people out for justice — or maybe even revenge — have signed an online petition hoping to shut down the controversial company.
Young was once one of the angry towing victims.
“Every one of us have had a bad experience, and if not, sooner or later you will make their acquaintance,” Young said. “One time, I went to pay to get my car back, they laughed at me. At that point, you can stop acting like a rational human being. … I don’t know anyone who has been towed and not used the phrase, ‘I’m gonna kill those guys.'”
You could say that’s the kind of anger from which Young’s award-winning black comedy was born.
The play is set in an Irish bar that has seen better days, and, eventually, a cemetery across from Lincoln Towing.
A torrential thunderstorm sends six ticked-off Chicagoans — a military veteran bartender resigned to working dead-end jobs; an African-American lawyer who didn’t make partner for racist reasons; a middle-age loser; a rich, spoiled party girl princess; a divorced woman failing to make a living selling dolls; and a British punk rocker recently kicked out of his own band — seeking shelter.
Despite their differences, the characters share a common experience: Each of them had a car pirated by Lincoln Towing.
Young, who lived in Chicago during the late '80s and again in the 2000s, said the characters’ mutual loathing of our city’s most notorious towing company leads to, of all things, a bombing plot.
Still, the play isn’t all Lincoln Towing bashing. One of the characters, Young said, thinks that in some ways the company symbolizes “good in the world,” by maintaining some semblance of parking order in parts of town burdened by a parking-space shortage.
On stage, as in real life, that’s a losing argument.
“People are angry [about Lincoln Towing], but also there’s this tension underneath it. They have unsatisfying jobs, uncertain futures. They have lots of uncertainty, a lot of things that are beyond their control,” the playwright said.
“It’s all about misguided angst, and at the end, I don’t want to give it away, things don’t go quite how they expected.”
Young said he hopes “The Night We Bombed Lincoln Towing,” which won the 2014 Center Stage Festival new play award, will earn a run at a Chicago playhouse after opening at the suburban theater.
“We’re hoping to have a show in Chicago, especially with [Lincoln Towing] back in the news,” Young said. “But one of the reasons Clockwise Theater chose the script, beyond loving the comedy and characters, is they do believe it will draw an audience from Chicago.”
City folks interested in checking out the show who are still a bit worried that an angry “Lincoln Park pirate” might pluck your car from a legal spot for supporting the show, rest assured there’s no evidence Lincoln Towing ventures that far north.
But if you’re still paranoid about pirates, consider taking Metra, a short walk from the theater.
That way you won’t have to say, “Arrgh, they got me, again.”
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